People Ruin Everything

I was standing on my fire escape and I saw

2009-07-01T11:52:00.001-07:00

80 Blocks From Tiffany's(1979)

Documentry about real street gangs in the late 70s
and it's just like "The Warriors"; vests with back patches, ridiculous gang leaders, ridiculous gang hang outs, ridiculous names(Savage Nomads and Savage Skulls), ridiculous tags, general ridiculousity.
and check out the black kid rockin a swastika at 9:44

Relic Rhymes

2009-07-01T01:23:00.000-07:00

what on earth was I thinking? in 2006 IIIIIIIIII...
...made no sense.

While the Mega City Pousers pray to the god of Retail and fashion
I’m Bootleggin freedom to the murder junkies but they’re all crashin"
to go along with

Therapy and thoughts for crash course
of molding metal
and a tremendous force
the nuns Screaming blue monday till their throats bleed and they're hoarse
Same damn mindset like when I was shot down over the masses for revealing the source
That showed their precious leaders getting turned out like little whores
And the bruises that show up from the slams and there is no remorse
Feel like the same old bullets rippin through the little kiddie’s course
Circa dawn of time and humans were 2012 AD proof
I was sittin on the stoop turnin clocks trying to save my mind
Black masked and knives out but not trying to hide behind the crime
But god must have loved my hair cuz he put me on high
And all I needed to finish the last line was a little proof to shine
Death to king, and all the kings’ men
the castle and the crowns will be trampled to the ground
Cuz they didn’t give a fuck about the earth you moved and what you found.
And it just hurt to damn much to bear witness to that sound
that could break the back of atlas and turn your mountains into mounds

...anyway
enough of that stuff

I don't think I could remember you
even if I tried
an A+ for the mental block
C- for keeping my pride

The urge is getting out of hand

2009-06-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

And now....

I'ts a one horse town, where the dead will drag us down.

wake up
get up
out of bed
smashed your back
bashed your head
missed your bus
take the trolly
watch the young kids
snortin molly
you think about
your great mistakes
but your life now surely
takes the cake
all through the day
all through the night
this feels like
one big fight
bombing brings us back to basics
but could anyone ever face it
drink on monday wash on friday
watch the dried up land burns away
drown tomorrow live today
if not for you then for us anyway
station to station
every sunday
singing praises
to their wax dummy
the splintered cross
the broken star
the violent moon and the peaceful flower

"how about a drink boys"
Pass the flask
but you
won't you ask
thats not your crew
this ain't your task
use your hands
shift the dirt
do shit work
to buy pressed shirts...

Dig in the dug out
get some candy
sugar your losses
with rot and decay
grab the best seats
for Judgment day
it's on its own time
its on its way
can't think about
what you're gonna say
because
your engines shot
and your nerves are frayed
a swift sharp slap across the face
jolts you back to this dreadful place
steal your honey when they stole your money
well no point now
it's real funny
back to bed for another day
why be the coward or their slave
when you know you could make it
your own way!

stop the world to stop the meltdown
media circus
media clowns
the daily grind
and the weekly grate
pay for the meal
of the boss you hate
you keep pushin
they ain't budgin
and nobodys daring
or craving
caring.
Shove, shift, shoulder
on the station
two trains pass
to pure desolation
this city saps you
of all your fight
drowning in steel
and glass and lights
bleached colgate smiles
only deepen the void
cheaps thrills leave
the youth destroyed
play your part,
stand in line
keep dreaming of the day
when your band gets signed
all your worth
in big, bold letters,
scrawled across that
collegiate sweater
living dead
attack of the drones
wayfayers hide
your empty soul
inhale the smoke
to catch a break
living just for
living's sake

Youre frettin, youre sweatin
But did you notice you aint gettin
Youre frettin, youre sweatin
But did you notice you aint gettin ANYWHERE!

It's gonna hurt.

2009-06-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

The Horrors- Primary Colours - 2009

All the way back in that marvelous year of 2006 a brand new band was sweeping the battlefield of myspace and infecting Ipods with their shrieking, howling, vomiting, lurid, ghoulishly frightful(and very campy) sound. This band was The Horrors, and while the black-clad, gigantic backcombed haired boys definitely had plenty of that 1977 Punk angst and attitude not to mention enough style to make the Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie jealous, their entire act came off as somewhat of a gimmick. Albeit a very well played gimmick.

Fast forward to the shitacular era of 2009, when the music world is rife with "Art Punkers"(read: late New Ravers) trying to reinvent the wheel that Test Icicles and Klaxons shaped so masterfully, and to reconvene where we left off with The Horrors would certainly feel like they were simply contributing to the death of their credibility and more importantly youth music, but thankfully not so. The Horrors 2009 effort, Primary Colours, is a dark, somber, atmospheric, and most importantly big "FUCK YOU!" to all the people who said The Horrors never had it in 'em.

The album is complete 180 in terms of music, this time taking their cues from Post-Punk bands such as Joy Division, Echo And The Bunnymen, and The Fall to Shoegaze bands like Slowdive, The Verve and My Bloody Valentine and even proto-just-about-every-form-of-electronic-music Kraftwerk. On their previous adventures The Horrors made great use of that Hammond Electric, although it seemed to be in the band more for profiling purposes than creative value. This album, which see's a switch between Bassist Tomethy Furse, and Keyboardist Spider Webb makes complete use of the valued machine, this time however switching from Hammond Organ to either repeater Kraftwerk-ian beats or ethereal walls of sound, a là Slowdive. Gone are the blues driven 3 chord riot riffs and bastardizing approach to music, in favor of effects driven drones, which grow and and morph and engulf like a fire. A very psychedelic fire. Gone too are all of the shrieking fast paced horror-punk lyrics of singer Farris Badwan (neé "Rotter") in favor of a more Ian Curtis like approach, dealing with human emotions such as despair and loss. His low voice drags on ethereally with the soundscape created by the band and it all works wonderfully.

To me The Horrors have always been a quintessential Goth band, and no not the fat-girl-with-tubes-in-her-hair-who-never-had-any-friends-because-she-never-made-herself-even-remotely-appealing-and-whines-about-it-on-her-blogspot-through-so-called-"poetry" Goth; the true traditional Goth of the Batcave venue where the whole of the Goth look and feel meandered from and the music of bands such as Bauhaus, Sisters Of Mercy, Joy Division, The Chameleons and Southern Death Cult(who eventually became rock icons The Cult). Songs such as Sea Within A Sea evoke a Krautrock/Kraftwerk feel with it's looping, recurrent back-beat and droning lyrics, while Scarlet Fields(for my money the best track on the album) has a synth soundscape that feels like a reworked "Love Will Tear Us Apart". Mirror's Image, the opening track is a great kicker with a fantastic mixture of Iggy Pop's The Idiot and The Verve's A Storm In Heaven, and while most of the songs bear resemblance to their influences all of the music feels refreshingly original.

Thankfully this album is an absolute triumph for the band. With that being said however I must say that Farris Badwan's lyrics can tend to fall on the drab and dreary cliché side, but that is only a minor setback. While these lyrics may not be original, the entirety of the album is. The Horrors tried to paint a picture with sound and made a wonderfully grim mess of the place.

Rating:

I can't write about big things

2009-06-11T23:02:00.001-07:00

I can't even write.
The only comment I'll give on this is that it's a work in progress
which says a lot actually.
...damnit.

I'm not going to start caring simply because
You're dying.

fuck all these sounds.
There are spiders in the blankets and on the pillows and the lips
That wall of comfort has collapsed
This debris signifies the end of change...(work in progress)
for nothing.
blood
for nothing
creativity
for nothing
The stars and the nebulas are really quite insignificant.

Face to face with a hurricane
or a
Car wreck
You can't understand

I'm sure
It was the way your body screamed
No
in that light
and those ancient doctrines that damn and divide
that burned that night

when all you know is hate
it's so easy to open up to
when all you ever dreamt about fame
it's so easy to know and not care
I
Identify
with you because of the hate
the odium
under which that heavy hand
does falls upon your nape.

Life is so lame.

2009-06-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

I was finished here before the gun even sounded
starting the race that would end so many lives
founded
by the losers and the suckers of yesteryear
but now you and I lost the fear
we've become the tip of the spear

I want my words
to spur a sense of emotion
and origanilty
that can only come from a god of sorts
the likes of that handsome devil
that perfect hair
but god decided to play a joke on me.
it wasn't my time and it wasn't my place.
I am your proof
i am proof
i am living proof
that you never existed.

Save
You will not get into my head that way
and don't think those pictures will fool me anymore
this slave
has lost his appeal
and i dont believe that genetics made such a glamourous mistake.

These hands will write your sins
and damn you to the future you deserve
your destiny in front of millions
your fate at the edge of the stage.
its always so bright.

I shout towards the heavenly sky!
but my shouts are drowned out
by the flames in the night
falling into orbit
the feeling of the tariffs
those rounds can only do so much
this night can only protect you for so long.

Rocket, Rocket USA

2009-06-09T19:44:00.001-07:00

You Already Know What Time It Is (Why You Comin' Back Red Ryder)

how I wish you'd scream oh how I wish you'd howl.

And once again the same needle persits
but you already know what time it is
and you still ask
have i made it
have i made it
will i make it clear enough for you?

then prey on god at night
just like I do
and if you reach him
No, you can't catch him
when he tricks you
and lets you in
let him know that fear can't sleep
but not because it wouldn't like to.

There aren't too many wars you've got left to fight
and i'm sure you'll always cry on the frontlines
after this night will you still work the same
of course not, otherwise I'm just as weak as you are
So listen you fucker
enjoy your hideousness more
it's all you've really got to go on.
so save it
save it
save it

If the fattie ever wises up
just leave her
don't belive her
how could she love you
how could anyone.

and if you make it back to New Orleans
leave him
leave him
because he hates you
and you'll never be the same
It's written all over his face
he such a strong distaste for all the things you crave in this modern life

I can make you talk
I can make you shake
666 chambers
decide your fate

On this day
you were unlucky enough to stop here
but this day will decide your destiny
so thank me

I really hate to be the one to do this
but i'm letting you live.

and this is where the wildthings run into trouble.

Your commitment to this game really suprises me
i've never seen youcare so much before
Wait, have I?
asking for questions that you already know
the answer was never hard to follow

your a scared little bitch and i can't think of the proper words that i can use to describe you, probably because you're such an archetypical character
that what ever i'd like to say about you has already been said far too many times
if you had a choice i'm sure that you would have us factionilized but in the end you're one of those people
a liberator who'd actually like to be a dictator.

There's knife in the throat
I think you really overlooked how bad it is
looks like you've gone limp
in that coat.

If genius steals, apparantly i'm Daniel Ocean because i hate you and god and theres no middle man so fuck all conciousness.
mayhaps this bullshit will balance out but if the stars have told me anything it's "Don't listen, we're fucking liars"

That same desperation still lingers after all these years
It's that old familiarity and fuck your tears
I mean it
I mean it

maybe after all this we can finally generate some good thoughts
that positive vibe was really worn out decades ago.
but lets save it.

is that still the way you talk
have you made it?
have you made it?
will you make it?

Get out of my mouth
I won't have it.
those ways your fingers curl around every word i ever said
you just can't seem to let it go
how sad
is that the point though?

theres a pulse in everythought throughout history but is that still the point you wanna stress
will you move on?
well, how could you move on?

light
transition
forgotten wars that all smell the same

I was finished here before the gun even sounded
starting the race that would end so many lives
founded
by the losers and the suckers of yesteryear
but now you and I lost the fear
we've become the tip of the spear

Sick Down To My Heart

2009-01-27T16:34:00.000-08:00

It's amazing that everyone will collectively gather the same thought and ask me how one person who I couldn't possibly know anything about now, is doing.
G-d always just sorta rubs thing in unintentionally.

That's just the way it goes.

2009-01-26T17:42:00.000-08:00

I've fallen in love with Morrissey all over again, In anticipation for his new album I downloaded his best reviewed old one, The beauitufl Vauxhall And I, andomgggggggggg

Just listen to Why don't You Find Out For Yourself.

I think Lonliness is cyclical.
Sometimes I feel like I could conquor the world alone, and other times, like now, I just want to be held.
I haven't been around here for some time.
I just haven't felt the need to write about anything, but a lot has happened.
Just not around these parts.

Is this natural? If it is I'm afraid.

Welly welly welly welly well.

2009-01-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

It's a new year.
It started off well, and if begining's tell you anything about endings, then this one should be chaotic.
but I'm ready.

I'm so not ready.

A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails

2008-12-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

omg im ok!

Morrissey is singing just for me
I know it.
its really awkward and stalkerish but I love that man
in me.
Id love it if he was in me
in every gay way possible.

Well
I'm cute now
so i'm happy.

Hey

2008-12-12T20:51:00.001-08:00

I'm ok now.
bye.

The Overly Dramatic Truth

2008-11-27T23:19:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna kill myself.

Plain and simple.
I'm gonna end it all in two months.
Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
Cheerio, here I go, on my way

Reasons:
Medication isn't working but I'm afraid to stop taking it.
I constantly feel sick and ache all over.
my bestfriend left me for no fucking reason and refuses to explain herself
and I've done nothing wrong.
so fuck it.

Yeah I'm a pussy and No I can't handle life and fuck you.
and I'm not joking.

This isn't a cry for help or it would be a bulliten.
this is just me getting it off my chest and a way for the media to use Blogspot as a weapon and for everyone I know to go "Oh he talked a lot about killing himself online but we never thought he was serious."

If things don't work out in two months I'm driving to the desert, calling the police and killing myself.
So don't be fucking suprised.
Fuck this life.
I understand some of us aren't supposed to have it easy and all but i'm almost positive this is G-d's way of saying "We need to talk, get up here quick."\

It may all end tommorow,
or it could go on forever,
in which case I'm doomed.

(P.S. I know I'm overly dramatic and all but this seriously does make me feel so good, don't try to dissuade me, I won't listen.)

I Know It's Over Pt. 2

2008-11-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

ok.
here we are.

"I know it's over, before it really began, but in my heart it was so real."
"Loud loutish lover treat her kindly, though she needs you more then she loves you."
well, who am I to make those calls.

Although I can say;
You Blew It!(non sarcastically)
and
Great Job!(sarcastically)
because I can say whatever I want.

Goddamnit, did I do this to myself?
Did I really?
Too much too soon.

So this is officially the most depressing blog ever.
and that gives you an idea of how I fuckin live.
for some damn reason, for some fucking obscure completely outta leftfield "Go-ahead-and-fuck-my-day-up" reason life went from being reletivley ok to BAM! big fuckin train wreck.
Oh women, they'll always be my downfall.
My beast of burden.
I could quote old poems,
"Lecher though one is, or aspires to be, it occurs to me that the lot of girls is not easy."
or I could quote modern rap songs
"a bitch is a bitch."
or I could do nothing and keep my mouth shut.

wonderful.
goddamnit.

I've takin up smoking because I don't care and I wanna look cool.
Big deal I'm still aloneeee
at least there cool cigarettes.

Oh Johnny, where'd you go?

I have this image in my head of my happiness compared to my success.
I feel that I will always be more sucessful then I will be happy, and they will never eclipse so (if anyone wants to paint this for me, go ahead)
the image is sorta of Dali-esque
you know
this guy

so its of a guy with hoooks through his skin that are attached to big balloons being lifted above the ocean, the balloons represent my success and the man is my happiness, theres nothing he can do about it, yeah sure it's saving his life but he'll always just be trailing behind it, he's thankful of it, but it isn't the most comfortable experience.

dandy.

It truly amazed me how quickly I was cut outta her/your life.
goddamn.
I mean I know I asked for it, but there was no second thought.
Maybe you're too literal
maybe I'm just an asshole.
maybe I way over thought things.
maybe you just told me what I wanted to hear.
maybe I'm taking this all too seriously.
but not talking to you for 3 weeks(save for the occasional txt msg) sure does leave a lot up in the air.
Believe me honey, I wasn't asking for anything except a friend who'd never leave.
However, as we all know, You can't always get what you want.
infact
you rarely ever get what you want.
and if you try sometimes, you just might find
that it doesn't pay to try.
Ever.
Right?

ah well.
Shit happens.
Yeah, play it stoic, everyone believes you.
Jesus this is all like a fucked up Patrick Marber peice.
a lot of yelling.
a lot of heartaches.
a lot of drugs.
Well for me anway.

"Love is natural and real, but not for such as you and I my love."
Who knows maybe I'm overly dramatic and just can't seem to deal.
I wouldn't know
I wouldn't care either.

So next week and the week after that are my show.
And I'm in the reader.
and was on some radio thing.
Mentioned by name as a young actor to watch.
Well, it's not all dark rooms and bloody noses.
There's some hope out there.
And those day's will come again,
just not for me.

Girl Afraid

2008-11-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

This blog really should be called "I Know It's Over" because it relates much more to that song then it does to this.
but I already used that song in a blog so....
actually
no fuck that.

You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory

2008-11-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

It doesn't pay to try.

You know I was reviewing this thing and there's something I wanna clear up for all you one or two readers out there.

I don't hate Mika.
I know it really doesn't matter or anything, and basically this is just an excuse to write a blog using a Johnny Thunders song
but
That was the funnest relationship I've ever been in.
I think.
In actuality I'm not sure, we broke up a year ago but our relationship had deteriorated long before that
so I can't really remember
but I'm pretty sure that it was fun.
but, as the great once said (^ up there)
You can't put your arms around a memory
don't try
don't try.
I feel so stupid referring to her so much throughout this blog
because(and cue sordid desperation) she actually doesn't come up that much in real life.(reassuring laugh, reassuring laugh)
she just makes for great writing.
Actually
I think that writing about anyone that's made a significant impact on your life makes for great writing.
I think I could probably turn out the same amount of posts if I wrote about Ariel, or Kevin or Ashley(fosho!), or Victor or even Mark.
But all those, er, most of those people are close to me still.
She isn't.
So it's easier to write about Mika.

In other news that no one cares about
I've found that if you change your idols from people who fuck everything in sight and are never single to people who make songs like "So Alone" or "Never Had No One Ever" it makes it much easier for you to get on.
I don't want to be with anyone anymore.
This is the saddest part
I've actually forgotten what it feels like(There is a deeper meaning there by the way)
Not like it matters
I only got 10 more years anyways
5 years if I'm "lucky"
I sorta like the idea of dying alone now.
After all, that great picture of Johnny Thunders is of him, alone, in a corner.
Not sitting there with some other asshole.
All the greats die alone.
I'll never let someone hold me again
I'll never let someone control my heart
I'm fuckin untouchable.

Maybe I'm just an oversensitive asshole and this is how I deal with the fact that no one I want to be with wants to be with me and this is just a paean to the party of pity.
at least I'm honest.

Jesus, it's been fucking days since I've taking my meds
They're in the E.Vill Doer
which is gettin woik done.
fuck
Going without your meds for Major Depressive Disorder
is like going onto the fuckin football field without any pads or a helmet.
It's fuckin brutal.
and fuck you if you think you can get through this shit without meds.
You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that they can get through it with out Chemo.
Well, now I'm just ranting.
So long.

Changes

2008-11-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Turn and face the change

there you go
now every important person has a Obama post on their blog.

Sheila Take A Bow

2008-11-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to want to live on your own?

I've decided to never date again.
I dunno about celibacy yet.
Thats sorta pushin it for me.
However, I was thinking, like I do oh so well
and I came to the conclusion that I've done nothing but settle.
For instance;
I dated someone for two years(oh I wonder who) because the person that I loved at the time told me to and that she didn't want to date me, and I thought
"Well, this'll just be a little fling, and then I can get back on track."
It wasn't till recently that I collected all the pieces of myself from life's gutter and swept the bits of my seemingly splatter-prone brain to the shoulder after that big...let's see here, how many words in the dictionary sum up what happened...
debacle?
Crash?
Hiroshima?
oooh thats nice...

anyways
All I was doing was setteling.
the person I wanted to be with didn't wanna be with me so I decided to settle.
Thats all i've ever done.
I'm never doing that again.

On top of that it isn't like i've been having a blasty-blast, bouncing from girl to girl, i've been alone for a couple months now
so whats another 20 years.

In other news, California fucking sucks for eliminating basic human rights, Barack is prez(Called it back in 2004!) and my play opens in like....2 days.
Haha!

I Know It's Over

2008-10-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

Is a blog a personal reflection device?
Or is it a platform, a soapbox, to be heard from.

If there was ever a song to sum up a situation, as of now, I'd believe it to be this song.

"Loud, loutish lover treat her kindly. Though she needs you more then she loves you."
I could go on quoting this song for the rest of this blog, but that's no fun.

I could also go on and explain the situation but, then again, whats the point.
This life is so cyclical it makes me sick.
It's akin to the teacups.
before they added that Anti G-force device.
Where it still spins wildly out of control yet locked in the same section.
Things don't change
they may get crazy
but in the end when you go home, vous allez dormir seul

Melencholic Depression, the loud, ugly annoying fat friend of the hot girl that no one wants at the party, so bona to vada!
Been a while, ol' chap, good to see you back to your old ways.

And those days will come again.
But not for me.

I Want The One I Can't Have

2008-10-21T13:43:00.001-07:00

EDIT:I put in a video where you can see his hair.
I wish I could redo grad night now because my hair looks better now.

WTF is this shit man?
I'm gonna take my brain, and heart, out back and beat them to within an inch of their lives for doing this to me.
damnit.

So, continuing from yesterday, I only slept for
maybe 4 hours over the course of the last few days.
I like it.
I feel like Richard Hell
"I belong to the ____ generation"
yaaa
There's little bits of us still out there that we have yet to collect.

Yesterday was Ashday.
It was zerrrr to the maxxx
I said "NO" to rehersal(Similar to the way all of you should say NO! to retro) and hung out with Ashley instead
damnit
I'm so glad I did.
Don't ever tell anyone that.
You can tell everyone I'm glad I hung out with Ashley, just don't tell anyone I ditched rehearsal to do it.
If Al finds out he'll kick my ass.

Last night
while I was attaining my repose and my few hours of numerous lowercase Zs
I had a vision quest.
well, it was a dream.
but still
It was me as of now,
I pulled up to a stop light
In the E.Vill Doer
Listening to The Smiths no doubt,
and sitting in a car across from me was me three years ago.
You know
the "Hot" Al
with the big curly hair
and the...
well this one

The one who never, ever did drugs and claimed he never would
the one who was happy and content (YEAH RIGHT!) in a relationship,
that one.
and as I looked at myself then I realized that although I may be an
empty shell of what I was at that point in my life,
I'm happy now.
damnit.
I'm happy.
and even though the me then and the me now would probably have gotten out of the car and had the bitchest gayest most Jewish fist fight of all time, I can still say that I'm happy.

The me of the past looked at the me of now and said "Dude....really? that's where this goes?"
and then I said something along the lines of
"Yeah, enjoy that now, because it don't last."
You know why The Smiths are the greatest band of all time?
Because Morrissey can relate to any situation.
I want the one I can't have.
and It's driving me mad.

Damnit.

Piccadilly Palare

2008-10-20T02:42:00.001-07:00

Did Morrissey ever do hard drugs?
he should have.
I truly can't believe my life has come to this.
Oh woe is me.

woe is me.

I'm no more a villian or part of the seedy underbelly of San Diego then you are truly gone sir.

keep that in mind ;)

no but seriously man, this is some strange fucking times.
haha
yaaaa it's freaky deeky.

There are so many Smiths lyrics that apply to this situation.
But I won't list them.
I shall choose the path of least Coincidence for the title of this blog.
it should be I know it's over.
ok
ok
I won't
I promise.
it will be
obviously.

so
shut your mouth.
listen to that as you read.

Shrooms, I've come to realize are something that can only truly be explained if they're just done.

It feels drippy.
I stood their, in the middle of the room, alone,
tired
lurching
back and forth
like a big sonic titan

lurching across a war torn battlefield.

All around me scuttling were little plague infested vermins

their fight was so meaningless.

so miniscule compared to mine.

I was a huge reever titan.

they were nothing compared to me.

I was forged of steel and fire an excade ago in a far off netherverse.

this is epic.

this is zer.

I, charged in unlight.
black monolith.
I was wrethed in weed and shrooms.
and it was amazing.

hahaha fuck you see?!
I think i'm in love with my bestfriend.
and this is all in 3d.
wow.
this is amazing.
this is the blog version of Skwisgaar Skwigelf from Metalocolypse.
Justeverythign amazingggg.
muahah!

actually
that bit
should have some sort of Doom Temple feel
so once oyu are done listening to that
listen to this

(my god this blogpost will confuse so many)
Give this a download
Sleep
Dopesmoker
420 puff puffff

yeah
thats really a 1 hour long song.
it's almost as trippy as....

anything on Shrooms!
wow!

My year in lists.

2008-10-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

No body reads this thing.
Thank G-d
This is the bleakest place in the world
It's so bleak it even got it's own bleak album cover,
AW YA! BLEAAK!!
SUPER BLEAK!
FUCK ZER UP BLEAK!
Check this out! how bleak is this!

AW YEAH! THAT'S SO FUCKIN BLEAK!
yeah I'm high and having a word trip on Bleak.
that's really happening right now.
But actually this album title is really bleak.
this is the blog version of that scene from The Warriors where the Prom dates get on the Subway towards the end of the night and Swan And Mercy are sitting there all beat the fuck up, and there's that awkward, uncomfortable moment.
yeah
this is that scene
in blogform.

I feel like my blog is the internet version of that guy at the bar drunk off his ass and talking to himself.
That's me.
I'm the Forgetting Sarah Marshall of the internet.
Yay.
And thank G-d thats me.
I can drop gigantic bombs about my life and no one would be none the wiser!
I could say things like
"I hate my self a little more each day, and think I wasted the last two years of my life"
or
"I really like someone I barely know, and doubt they feel the same way about myself"
and no one would know!
Not a single solitary soul!
Not ONE! MEASLY FUCKING CREAT-

Ehem.
You know what just listen to this.
This band mops the floor with your fucking brain you pansy bitch
BOW!
TO THE MIGHTYNESS!
THE ZEREST MOST THRASHINZER DANGZEREST BAND!
LOS!
CAMPENSINOS!!!

(Oh my blog comes complete with twists, you best believe it. Suck on that poisen like bbd first cassette.)

That, ^ up there, is the best new album of the willenia.
I've sorta lost myself in this blog, I should go dig myself out.
here
here's an album for you fine folks to download when you smoke the cheeba

Click here

AH HA!
YOU FREELOADIN BASTIDS!
YOU GOTTA BUY THAT ONE!
No but seriously, you should deffinently, defenantly, definitely, there we go, definitely get that album, it's amazing.

I Don't think anyone even clicks those albums anyways.
well heres one that you assholes might like.
Wall Of Sound music

A Place To Bury Strangers

Alright.
Good job.
Well done.
Mazel Tov.
Don't forget to come see my play.
I'm a cracked actor.

ZER! ZER FUCKING ZERNESS!

2008-10-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

EPIC FUCKING ZER!

Assassin!

Totally crazy ZER THRASH!

This shit will fuckin blow you from behind, like totally push your cock down and then suck it.

Hard.

The first album is Interstellar Experience(I know it's kinda hard to read)

tracks 1-8 are off I.E. and tracks 9-whatever are off of The Upcoming Terror.

ZERZERZERZER!

GETITGETITGETIT!

Damaged Goods.

2008-10-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

Listen!

I should change this blog name to I Ruin Everything.

I'm sick to death of everything having a reprocussion. Goddamnit for once I would love to do something without anyone caring.

Call it kar- no wait fuck that.

If I wasn't the Lothario of SCPA, fuck that of life, then the fuck else would it be.

Exactly, FUCKING NO ONE.

So I was shoveling through the shit of the past and found these lame ass blogs I wrote a year ago.

The first one, aptly named Blog 3, I'll be giving commentary through out.

(I Thought this was a pretty funny intro, so I wrote it down while on the bus)

I've started writing blogs because keeping a diary is just to damn gay.

if i was gonna start keeping a diary, i picture myself laying on my stomach with my legs bent up at the knee and crossed at the anklewith my cat on my ass.

No

Fuck that

I'll write this blog shirtless, standing, covered in blood surounded by wolves.
The sky is a plasticine blue; deep yet crystal clear, as though i can almost see right through it, see the stars right through the lie that is the blue sky.

And it means one thing

(For some reason I though this was really cool, and how wrong I was.)
[in deep dramatic baritone]Today, will be, a good day.[/deep dramatic baritone]

or a bad day.

or both

but never neither

although it can't, yet it must.

ok

enough with the fucking Tom Stoppard bullshit.

(See.)

as it turns out the day is niether good nor bad.

the day is stoic.

the day is paraplexic.

i'm beggining to fear that i'm not allowing my self to enjoy these days.

(you can fly without me)

this lament corner, this right angle of disdain, will continue after this break.

(Oh this part is just to damn precious! I of course, am talking about Ariel Campbell)
we sit next to each other.

I love it.

I feel it.

but I act as if i don't give two shits.

I act stoic

I act brave.

but I never was, I always cared.

Or at least acted like I cared more about the facade then the face.

but that's just not true.

whoops.

i tell ya, this blog would have so much more crediblity if Clive Owen narrarated it.

In other parts of time.

(I am speaking about the P&P rooms and To Kill A Mockingbird.)
The room has a faint famliarity to it, as though that is where my life was dramatically changed, where my future was most likley shaped, but thats not it. No, no i think i've seen it in a Better Homes And Gardens. The lights are bright and we sit on what was, at one time, the swing where my daughter sat, on those hot summer mornings in Maycomb.

(This is Gary and I talking to each other, we're funny fucks.)
We are not alone.

We contest back and forth who's life is worse. Who made the mistakes, who made the choices.

X's never made choices

Y's made to many,

and it all comes out to one thing. The one thing that we were always to blind to see, but now know that it's what we have to do.

We need to swap lives and sell the story to Paramount.

Kidding of course.

(Rain of the Razor Lazer)

(That "thing" I'm talking about was asking Ariel Campbell if she was still in love with me. Oh Al if you only fucking knew.)
this "thing" proverbial of course, does in fact need to happen.

(day of the cloudy howdy)

It needs to happen so we can move on, which is the one thing that i was scared of

(flight of the shleter melter)

son of a bitch

(you can fly with out me)

i knew it."

So that concludes TerribleBlog1

Terrible Blog 2 Titled Oh Shooting stars, FUCK YOU

(So I wrote this one after I had just got done fucking Mika, it was during that phase where she was with her new boyfriend but was still sleeping with me and I was listening to a lot of Lightspeed Champion and Bloc Party.)

"You find yourself tossing and turning, RLS seems to have spontaneously erupted inside of you. Thats you wanting to do something that you're mind is telling you 'You realize you are fucking retarded for wanthing this, don't you?'

(This was a Bloc Party lyric, but I thought it fit so perfectly)
(After sex, the bitter taste, been fooled again)

i talk and talk about how "I know that we are compatible, we could work, start all over, more enlightened" I sigh "But i'm still leaving, so this still wouldn't work, but I just love you so fucking much"

she gasps

"what?" hoping that something i said made some sort of significant impact in that damn head.

"i just saw a shooting star"

(in uptight whitey news caster voice)we interupt this boring bleeding hearts show with an announcment, Bitterness is back and in full effect, you better check your shit yo

"mhm" i mutter

spite.

"fuck dude I wanna get outta here, i wanna go to space, i'm ready for something new" she says, as if i've been fucking silent this whole conversation.

and just like it hits you, AGAIN, that this is how things must be now.

the Brutal Romantic, the Weak Realist.

such tragic characters.

Butchers tounges, gentle hearts.

(So, here we are reinventing the wheel.)

(i'm shaking hands with a hurricane.)

I probably deserve this.

i was so commited to nothing

lived with one foot out the door at all times.

"Should'na' done that" the western archetypical villian says in my head over and over.

what does he know, fuck him.

(The teeth of this world tear me in half)

and in this corner...

(Once again, Ariel, and once again, it means nothing now.)
i have the ever present unrequited love that has plagued me for 4 years now, and i kick myself every damn time because i can't destroy it.

if love was a person i would take him out back and beat the shit outta him.

but he would keep coming back and tapping me on the shoulder.

persistant motherfucker.

So i just sigh, and i just sigh, and i just sigh, and i pretend that theirs nothing wrong.

"Do your best to avoid it, smile when its right, always find an out"

yeah.

to bad i never did that.

i tried to keep my doors open, keep options available, keep tractions cleared.

and i'm locked in, closed off, and jammed now.

in the words of the immortal Arch-Angle Gabriel

"Fucking WONDERFUL!"

Now I actually liked that one, I thought it was pretty well done.

It's amazing to think that at one point I cared so much about things that mean nothing to me now.

and not the "Mean-nothing-but-if-I-saw-them-kiss-I'd-jump-off-of-the-Cornado-Bridge" Mean nothing, I mean it means ___.

The only thing that still makes me sad is that I thought it was all my fault.

Well actually it was all my fault, but fuck that

like some chick changed her myspace status to: "Forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."

Damnit, where was that status update a year ago.

The Passion Of Lovers Pt. 2

2008-10-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Do yourself a favor and Download this album.
it's the dopeness hotta fiyah!

Bauhaus

Mask

The Passion Of Lovers

2008-10-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, happy day, happy fuckin day.
I am now an official hipster.
(I have a little badge and everything!)

1)Bike-CHECK!
2)Snobby pretentious exclusive fashion job- CHECK!
3) Esoteric references and rare musical collection- CHECK!
4) Complete understanding of the fall of the Roman empire due almost entirely to causes of Nero and expanding surrounding civilizations- CHECK!
5) Blog- CHECK!

Well, let's get goin shall we?

Each post will have an accompanying song.
this post's song?

This is really one of those posts to just get me started
(Oh DON'T GET ME STARTED!)
Because I picked the most uneventful most mind blanking day to start one of these.
Any of those other days where I was battling Suicide(there's no secrets here, we're all a family) or something fun would have been great.
But no, I picked this day, where the most eventful thing is "Am I gonna get to work on time and still be able to lounge for the next couple of hours"(no)

Cute blog name hunh?
ITS A SMITHS SONG YA BIG DOOFUS!

So, let me get started
I don't know how.
I really really don't know how.
but some how I'm ok.
Some how I made it out on top, and now some how I'm going to continue living my life.

(GET THE FUCK OUT NO WAY REALLY?!)
Yeah.
Oh yeah girl.

You know whenever I read these things I always thought
"Damn if I had a blog it would be hilarious and I would have so many posts"
well mind, you big fuck up, I now have writers block.

so.
eat that.

Suppose I oughta start fixing this place up.