I Want The One I Can't Have

EDIT:I put in a video where you can see his hair.
I wish I could redo grad night now because my hair looks better now.



WTF is this shit man?
I'm gonna take my brain, and heart, out back and beat them to within an inch of their lives for doing this to me.
damnit.


So, continuing from yesterday, I only slept for
maybe 4 hours over the course of the last few days.
I like it.
I feel like Richard Hell
"I belong to the ____ generation"
yaaa
There's little bits of us still out there that we have yet to collect.

Yesterday was Ashday.
It was zerrrr to the maxxx
I said "NO" to rehersal(Similar to the way all of you should say NO! to retro) and hung out with Ashley instead
damnit
I'm so glad I did.
Don't ever tell anyone that.
You can tell everyone I'm glad I hung out with Ashley, just don't tell anyone I ditched rehearsal to do it.
If Al finds out he'll kick my ass.


Last night
while I was attaining my repose and my few hours of numerous lowercase Zs
I had a vision quest.
well, it was a dream.
but still
It was me as of now,
I pulled up to a stop light
In the E.Vill Doer
Listening to The Smiths no doubt,
and sitting in a car across from me was me three years ago.
You know
the "Hot" Al
with the big curly hair
and the...
well this one

The one who never, ever did drugs and claimed he never would
the one who was happy and content (YEAH RIGHT!) in a relationship,
that one.
and as I looked at myself then I realized that although I may be an
empty shell of what I was at that point in my life,
I'm happy now.
damnit.
I'm happy.
and even though the me then and the me now would probably have gotten out of the car and had the bitchest gayest most Jewish fist fight of all time, I can still say that I'm happy.


The me of the past looked at the me of now and said "Dude....really? that's where this goes?"
and then I said something along the lines of
"Yeah, enjoy that now, because it don't last."
You know why The Smiths are the greatest band of all time?
Because Morrissey can relate to any situation.
I want the one I can't have.
and It's driving me mad.






Damnit.