You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory

It doesn't pay to try.

You know I was reviewing this thing and there's something I wanna clear up for all you one or two readers out there.

I don't hate Mika.
I know it really doesn't matter or anything, and basically this is just an excuse to write a blog using a Johnny Thunders song
but
That was the funnest relationship I've ever been in.
I think.
In actuality I'm not sure, we broke up a year ago but our relationship had deteriorated long before that
so I can't really remember
but I'm pretty sure that it was fun.
but, as the great once said (^ up there)
You can't put your arms around a memory
don't try
don't try.
I feel so stupid referring to her so much throughout this blog
because(and cue sordid desperation) she actually doesn't come up that much in real life.(reassuring laugh, reassuring laugh)
she just makes for great writing.
Actually
I think that writing about anyone that's made a significant impact on your life makes for great writing.
I think I could probably turn out the same amount of posts if I wrote about Ariel, or Kevin or Ashley(fosho!), or Victor or even Mark.
But all those, er, most of those people are close to me still.
She isn't.
So it's easier to write about Mika.






In other news that no one cares about
I've found that if you change your idols from people who fuck everything in sight and are never single to people who make songs like "So Alone" or "Never Had No One Ever" it makes it much easier for you to get on.
I don't want to be with anyone anymore.
This is the saddest part
I've actually forgotten what it feels like(There is a deeper meaning there by the way)
Not like it matters
I only got 10 more years anyways
5 years if I'm "lucky"
I sorta like the idea of dying alone now.
After all, that great picture of Johnny Thunders is of him, alone, in a corner.
Not sitting there with some other asshole.
All the greats die alone.
I'll never let someone hold me again
I'll never let someone control my heart
I'm fuckin untouchable.












Maybe I'm just an oversensitive asshole and this is how I deal with the fact that no one I want to be with wants to be with me and this is just a paean to the party of pity.
at least I'm honest.

Jesus, it's been fucking days since I've taking my meds
They're in the E.Vill Doer
which is gettin woik done.
fuck
Going without your meds for Major Depressive Disorder
is like going onto the fuckin football field without any pads or a helmet.
It's fuckin brutal.
and fuck you if you think you can get through this shit without meds.
You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that they can get through it with out Chemo.
Well, now I'm just ranting.
So long.